Help! what should I do?

someone at at our church from Haiti needed a sitter and didn't have money so I took her daughter for free and now I have her all the time and since I have been watching her daughter me and my family have became very very close, closer than family and we are always together. She had a still birth this week and my mom was with her the whole time and so every time I hear her tell somene what happened I get very very hot and dizzy and feel like I'm going to p out and is this normal?and also this has been very very hard for me and I don't think I can go to the funeral because it will just make it harder because when I want to my grandpas funeral it made me so upset and it made my grand[as' death alo harder to deal with and it was just to much for me espicially when I saw him and its going to be open casket for the baby to, My mom told her that I'n not coming because it will be to hard for me espicially since she's just a baby and she said that she understands but should I go for her?